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In which we are treated another pointless chapter, this time about English class from Park's perspective!

missabnormal: Welcome back, everyone, to the sporking of Eleanor & Park! We're going to be getting started on Chapter 5, which is from Park Sheridan's perspective! As always, everyone is here, so let's get started!

So! We open up with Mr. Stessman having his students memorizing a poem of their choice. According to this teacher, he says that all the students are going to forget everything that he taught them. He states that, "maybe you'll remember that Beowulf fought a monster. Maybe you'll remember that 'To be or not to be' is Hamlet, not Macbeth..."

And I must call out this line because I have never heard of high school students studying Beowulf. You know when I studied it? In a 2nd year university class on literature from the Middle Ages to the early 18th century! Beowulf is a pretty complicated piece of work, so high school students wouldn't be able to understand everything in the text!

I'm out now. Yamini, your turn.

Yamini: So Mr. Stessman is apparently walking up and down the aisles. According to Park, "Mr. Stessman loved this kind of stuff-- theater in the round." Anyways, he stops next to Park's desk and tells his students that they're going to memorize a poem while "pausing a moment to smile down at Park like Gene Wilder in the chocolate factory."

You mean Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? The 1971 movie?

IT'S THE 80'S: 5

And Mr. Stessman then takes a leaf out of Robin Williams' book and starts acting like he's in Dead Poets Society. Sorry, but Robin Williams was better at the inspirational teacher than you ever hope to be.

Ruki: Mr. Stessman says that "'[brains] love poetry. It's sticky stuff. You're going to memorize this poem, and five years from now, we're going to see each other at the Village Inn, and you'll say, 'Mr. Stessman, I still remember 'The Road Not Taken'!"

Yamini: Yeah, Keatings, he is not.

Kala: So Mr. Stessman moves to the next desk as he tells his students not to pick 'The Road Not Taken' as he's sick of it. He also tells them not to pick anything by Shel Silverstein, telling them to pick an adult poem instead. *confused* What does that even mean? 

missabnormal:
 He then tells them to "choose a romantic poem" instead. *annoyed* Look, Adornetto, I've sporked thirteen chapters of your preaching already, can you stop astral projecting into other stories, for crying out loud?!

*Kala and Wolfgang look confused as Yamini, Ruki, and Mako shudder/grimace*

Yamini: I seriously hope that he's talking about poems of the Romantic Period and not poems about romance or love. If I see a clone of Xavier the Nice Guy™ in here, I'm gonna destroy something.

Wolfgang: What are you talking about?

missabnormal: Another sporking project. And believe me, that book is just as bad as this book right here. Except there's too much preaching, slut-shaming, romanticization of abuse, and a bunch of other supernatural crap. It's a Twilight 2.0, like half the YA novels today.

Wolfgang: *still confused* Okay, then... *reads* So Mr. Stessman walks up to Eleanor's desk, or "the new girl" as Park refers to her. Why... doesn't he call her by her name? He suggests that she chooses 'A Dream Deferred', before telling them to choose a poem that speaks to them, one that will help them speak to someone else.

missabnormal: I wasn't encouraged to choose poems like this when I was writing high school essays. I was told to choose poems that have similar themes.

Mako: So Park plans to choose a poem that rhymes so it would be easier to memorize. While he likes Mr. Stessman, he wishes that he'd tone it down, as it causes secondhand embarrassment for Park. Mr. Stessman then tells the students that they're meeting in the library tomorrow because they're "gathering rosebuds", whatever that means. And we finish with the bell ringing on cue.

Yamini: *raises an eyebrow* Was... there a point to this chapter?

Ruki: Hardly anything happened here.

Kala: It was pretty short as well. I doubt that this would make a difference if it were removed from the story.

Wolfgang: The only thing I learned is that this text is reminding everyone of some other book.

Mako: *winces* Don't remind me.

missabnormal: And the counts still remain at a standstill. Don't worry, though. They'll be going up in the next chapter, which will be longer. And potentially more offensive. We see some samples of Asian fetishization and more bullying that will be most likely to piss us all off.

So, with that, see you in the next chapter!

Counts

IT'S THE 80'S: 5
PAN-ASIAN FUSION: 5
FETISHIZING BASTARD: 1
WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!: 2
MADAME BUTTERFLY MUCH: 1
HERE COMES MISS SAIGON: 1
ORIENTALIST BASTARD: 2
DRAMATIC ANGST: 4
I'M DOWN WITH DA HOOD, YO: 0
ZERO TOLERANCE, MY ASS: 14

Total= 35

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